If a Body Catch a Body
by P. A. Foreman
Summary: Holden is finally in the mood to see Jane and this is what happens afterwards. They get drunk and sing the blues, they stay in a honeymoon suite, and more! Hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

You know I'm just staying here for a little while, at least until she comes to take me out of here and then we can move to Colorado or something. I'm fine really, they just think I need help but I don't, they're crazy, not me. Goddam phonies, they think they know everything about me just cause' they have an education but they don't really. Besides, I won't be in here for long, she'll come and get me.

How I got in here is a wild story and it was certainly a wild ride. Don't worry, I won't bore you, this story is a lot better than watching a goddam Hollywood film and it won't turn your brain into mush. You know my brother DB is writing for Hollywood now, I hate him for that, he had so much talent you know? Now he's just like everyone else. God, he used to write such good stories. I don't even think I told you my name yet, I'm Holden Caulfield. Well, until I bust out of this place I guess I'll tell you how I got here.

I'm bored out of my mind, everyone else has a date except me. It really bites to be stuck here at Pencey on a Friday night and it really bites that I'm with Ackley of all people. I guess I'll just read until old Stradlater gets back from his date, it's kind of become my new hobby to give Stradlater hell. Stradlater's my roommate, he's very conceited.

So I just sat there reading my National Geographic magazine until Ackley came in. When he came in the goddam bastard kept picking up my stuff and putting it back in the wrong place. Ackley's this gross guy and he's kind of mean too. He has pimples all over his face, he never brushes his teeth, he barely showers, but yet, his fingernails are always clean.

"How's it going Ackley Kid?" He hated it when you called him a kid.

"Ok," he said, still picking up things and putting it back in the wrong place.

"You know Ackley Kid, you have a certain charm about you, how come you never go out on dates?"

"Don't know, guess I just don't like going on dates," Ackley responded. I know what the real case is though, girls just never ask the poor bastard out, I don't blame em' either. "I have to go," Ackley said.

"Yeah, I know you have a very demanding social life," I said.

"See you Holden," he said as he left the room. The good news is that I now had something to do, reorganize my desk. Just as I was about to start old Stradlater came in.

"So Stradlater, how was the date? Who'd you go out with?" I asked.

"Oh same old, same old," Stradlater answered. He was a very deep guy.

"Who'd you go out with?"

"Oh um, Jean, Jean Gallagher."

"Gallagher? Oh Jane! Jane Gallagher!"

"Yeah that's her name," Stradlater said.

"I used to know her, how is she? Did she mention me? I oughta go down and say hello."

"So go down there."

"Nah," I said. "Well maybe I'll go down."

"Ok see you," Stradlater said. I watched him go into the bathroom and then I went down to see Jane.

"Jane! Jane!" I called out to her.

"Holden? Holden!" Jane said.

"Hey how's it going?" I asked.

"Oh it's going good. Holden Caulfield, I never thought I'd see you again."

"Yeah same here, I'd never thought I'd see you again."

Jane looked real pretty with her shoulder length blonde hair and big blue eyes. She had on a real nice blue dress too. Well, her big mouth may have shrunken a bit but it was still old Jane.

"You know Holden, I really miss you, you were a great friend," Jane said.

"I missed you too Jane." I said. "How was your date with Stradlater?"

"It was ok, kind of boring though."

"Would you like to get some dinner sometime?" I asked her.

"Sure Holden, after Christmas break?"

"No, I was thinking soon."

"That would be hard considering I live in Maine now," she told me.

I kind of got to thinking after she said that. I was probably going to get an expulsion note soon since I left the goddam foils on the subway in a fencing tournament in New York. I was the manager of the fencing team but I'm not anymore. I also kind of failed every single class except English. So, I could probably leave school early.

"When do you get off?" I asked.

"Tomorrow," Jane answered.

"Me too!" I actually got off in a week but like I said, I'm getting expelled anytime now.

"Really? Stradlater said you guys don't get off for another week or so."

"Stradlater's a dope," I said.  
"You're mean but I have to agree, he is. But anyway, listen, I don't have to go to Maine until Tuesday so I have four days," Jane said with a smile on her face.

"Ok, how about we go to New York?" I asked her. I think four days would be a perfect amount of time for my parents to digest my expulsion.

"New York? Well Holden don't you think that that's a little well, crazy?"

"Hell no!" I exclaimed.

"You seem confident," Jane said.

"I am! Pack your bags Jane! We're going to New York!"

"Ok, I'll meet you back here in about an hour," Jane said, leaving me behind. I'll tell you, after she left, I felt so goddam depressed. I can't put my finger on it, I don't really know why but man was I sad.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Allright Holden, I'm ready," Jane said. I had already packed my bags and I called a cab to take us to the train station.

"Ok Jane, the cab's out there somewhere," I told her. Jane wouldn't move though. "Ok Jane, you can go anytime now."

"I don't know if I can do this, I mean just run off to New York with you."

"Come on! You'll have the time of your life," I assured her.

"Ok, lets go." It was a beautiful night out, the stars were shining bright and the moon was full. I guess that's why we're running away to New York, people always do strange things on full moons. Jane and I packed our stuff into the back of the cab and climbed in. Let me tell you, that cab driver was as friendly as a goddam barracuda. If I even tried to talk to him he gave me this cold look. That Jane was so silly on the way to the train station, she just kept giggling. Let me tell you though, she looked so goddam pretty when she laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked. "Is it me?"

"Nah, it's just what we're doing, I've never done anything this crazy before, I'm the good girl," Jane expressed.

"Well Jane, after this weekend, you'll never be known as the good girl, at least with me," with that I gave her a mischievous smile.

"Oh Holden! You're full of baloney!" That stung, I was not a phony.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the cab driver then stopped and we got out. I handed the money to him cautiously, I didn't want him to bite my goddam hand off. We bought our tickets and waited for the train.

"I don't know if I even have enough money for this," Jane said.

"Don't worry, I do, I'm kind of loaded, my grandma practically gives away money to me, she's very lavish with it," I said. Jane laughed at that. When the train came me and Jane sat next to this lady who looked kind of sad. Jane and me talked for a while to catch up on each other's lives. After a while though Jane got tired and she fell asleep.

"Do you go to Pencey?" I heard a voice say. Soon I discovered it was the lady sitting across from me.

"Uh yeah, I do," I answered.

"Do you know a boy there named Earnest?" Oh yeah I knew him, he was one of the biggest goddam bastards in the whole school. He always picked on the little guys and was always slapping people with his towel.

"Yeah, I do."

"Do you like him? How is he?" She asked, eager for information.

"Oh yeah, old Ernie's a friendly guy, if any of us guys have a problem, you can always count on old Ernie to be there for ya," I was lying but hey, I couldn't let her down, parents always want to know how great their kids are. The lady smiled.

"Thank you," and she stared out the window after that. I wasn't really tired so I lasted the whole way to New York and when we arrived, I woke Jane up. Once we got out the train the smell of the city hit me, cigarette smoke, car fumes, and hot dogs. Home again, home again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"What do we do now Holden?' Jane asked.

"Lets go find a strongbox to put our bags in and then go find a good bar," I answered. "I'm not tired yet."

"Me neither and I've never been to a bar, I can't wait!"

"Hold your horses there Jane, lets go put our bags somewhere." We found a strongbox shortly and we put our bags in there. After that we were out on the streets looking for a good bar. New York City was always busy at night, people here are nocturnal. Soon me and Jane came across this little bar that looked ok.

"Holden, I'm not sure about this," Jane stammered. I took her hand and pulled her toward the door.

"Come on you'll be fine," I said. Once the bouncer let us in we got a table next to this ridiculous couple. They kept arguing about the guy's goddam parents, Jesus they were phony!

"Would you like something to drink?" The waitress asked.

"Uh yeah, get us some scotch and some cokes," I ordered. I got some weird looks from the waitress but she got us the scotch and cokes. I was surprised at Jane, I thought she would be a goody two shoes and object to drinking it but she didn't even hesitate! I was so goddam proud of her!

"Uh Holden, I feel kinda dizzy but it feels good," Jane said laughing and giggling. I lost count of how many drinks we had but it was all good.

"Yeah, same here Jane," I slurred.

"Hey people's, you know it's open mike night here at Bernice's tavern!" Some gal announced. I immediately stood up and Jane stood up with me, I almost fell but somehow I was able to keep my balance.

"We'll do it!" I volunteered. "We'll be the peoples!"

"Oh yeah!" Jane babbled. "I'm with him!" Everyone clapped and we stumbled on stage. I turned to the band.

"Can you guys play the blues?" I asked them. After that the band started and I just started singing with Jane dancing behind me.

You know Peter Pan

Was a lonely man

I am too

And now I got's the blues

Now my friend Jane

Who may not be sane

She has the blues

And she's gonna sing to you's

Jane started to sing and I started dancing and clapping my hands.

Hey y' all I ain't Wendy

Sure as hell don't wanna be Wendy

Just like my friend me too

I have the blues

Let's go back to my friend Holden

He sure knows how to hold it in

But he got the blues

So don't give him any boo's

I took the mike and Jane began to dance again.

I don't really wanna grow up

But god ain't gonna let me stop

So bartender get me some booze

Cause' I got the blues

My life ain't never gonna be the same

People might think oh what a shame

And I got the blues

Jane lets sing the blues

After that we both started to sing and dance together.

We got's the blues

But what do we got's to lose?

We got's the blues

Bartender we need some booze

Cause we got the blues.

That was the end to our little song.

"So people's, did you like it?" Jane asked the audience. People started to go boo at us and we just laughed at it. "I know, I know, it was great," Jane said.

"Do you guys want an encore?" I asked. People just started to boo us even more and then we felt some strong hands throw us out into the street.

"Hey! You guys have no appreciation for true talent!" Jane screamed at the bar.

"Jane, I feel sick," I said and soon, I was barfing my goddam guts out. Pretty soon Jane was too. After we got our senses straight we headed back to the train station to get our bags and to start looking for a hotel. That goddam blues tune stayed in my head all night. I hate the blues.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Once me and Jane got our bags we searched for a cheap hotel, man were we tired, we could have slept on the sidewalk. We were walking by central park when I noticed that there were no ducks in the pond.

"Jane?" I said.

"Yes?" Jane said.

"Where do the ducks go in the winter?"

"How should I know?" We just kept walking and we found this cheap motel that looked ok. We walked through the doors to the front counter. At the counter there was this man who looked kind of like a guy that had no life; he had thick lens on his glasses, he had a bald spot, and his face was kind of droopy.

"Hey, we need a room please," I asked the guy.

"Ok, a room for the lovely couple," the man said kind of weird.

"Just give us a goddam room please, we're tired," I said.

"Ok, ok," he said with a smirk on his face. "Here's the key, it's on the third floor," and he gave us a key to the room.

"Ok, thanks."

"He was a little strange," Jane observed.

"Tell me about it," I said. We got into the elevator and we told the elevator guy to take us to the third floor. The elevator was so goddam slow and the elevator music was killing me so when we got to the third floor I immediately got out.

"Room 304, room 304," I muttered to myself. "Ah, here it is," I unlocked the door and turned on the lights. "Oh my god!" I screamed.

"Quiet Holden! Do you want to wake up the whole hotel?" Once she looked into the room though, she just burst out laughing. "Oh my god! A honeymoon suite!" She said as she was laughing.

"Not funny Jane, not funny," I stewed.

"Oh yes it is! Holden, do you want to carry me through the threshold?" She joked. I thought about it and I decided to do it just to knock her out. Once I did it she squealed and laughed.

"I can't believe that everything is heart- shaped, I mean, even the little soaps are!" Jane just kept laughing until she found the red heart that was a bed, then she was out like a light. I can't believe that guy gave us a goddam honeymoon suite, he's dead in the morning, he is. I couldn't really keep myself awake anymore so I just slept next to Jane and I didn't wake up a single time.

I woke up before Jane and my head was killing me, man hangovers are a bitch. I looked over at Jane who was still out like a light so I decided to go out for a smoke and then to look for breakfast. I washed my face with the little heart soaps before I went out, I could knock out an elephant I smelled so bad. I got into the elevator and the elevator operator started to talk to me.

"Hello, name's Maurice, I have a cathouse on the other side of 26th if you're interested, I can reserve a girl for you," he kind of gave me this weird look so I kept my guard up.

"No thanks," I answered.

"Come on, it's only five dollars." I thought about it and decided to go check it out.

"Ok, I'll check it out, it's on 26th right?" I asked

"Yep. Here's your stop my good man," after he said that I got out, had a smoke and got Jane and I some breakfast.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jane was up when I got back and she was just about to have a panic attack.

"Holden Caulfield! Where were you?" She screamed at me.

"I was out getting breakfast for us, doughnut?" I asked her, trying to make peace.

"Well, ok, just don't do that to me again," she said as she reached for a glazed doughnut.

"Okay, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know, I have a pretty bad hangover but after some coffee, maybe I'll be fine."

"Yeah my goddam head is splitting up," I admitted. "How about we go for a walk around town, I want to get Phoebe something."

"Ok, sure, I'll help you," Jane agreed.

"I need to go somewhere so would you mind finding a record for me called 'Little Shirley Beans'?" I heard that song on the radio on the way to get breakfast and I knew Phoebe would love it, it would just knock her out.

"Yeah I'll do that. Where should we meet up?"

"Lets meet at the duck pond at Central Park."

"Ok, I'll do that, where are you going?" I didn't want to tell her that I was going to a cathouse so I said I was going to go to lunch with an old friend.

"Great! So we have time to kill before you go with your friend so what do you want to do? We could go see a film if you want," she suggested. I hate films, actors are the phoniest people in the world.

"Aww, Jane lets do something else," I moaned. "Maybe we could go to the art museum."

"Allright, lets do that then."

"Good. You ready?" I asked Jane.

"Yes, lets go," Jane said and we were out of that goddam honeymoon suite, this time we took the stairs instead of the elevator, I didn't really want to run into Maurice again.

Once me and Jane got a cab I struck up a conversation with the cab driver.

"Do you know what happens to the ducks in the winter?" I asked.

"Naw, why do you care about the damn ducks? Fish are a lot more interesting, they have to stay in the water the whole winter, even when the pond's frozen over," the cab driver said.

"So you don't know what happens to the ducks?"

"Why do you care about the goddam ducks?" I decided to drop the conversation right there, he was a bit eccentric. The cab driver dropped us off at the art museum and as me and Jane were walking up I heard this little kid singing.

"If a body catch a body coming through the rye," the boy sang as he was balancing on the curb. For some reason that just hit me, it kills me when little kids sing, it's just so goddam pretty. Jane and I had a good time at the art museum, despite our hangovers from hell. Soon it got to be around lunchtime and Jane and I went our separate ways. After I left, I got to thinking about the old days with Jane. Me and her would play checkers all day and she would never move her goddam kings.

She just said she liked the way the looked all lined up, it just killed me when she did that. After our trip I'll ask her if she'll play checkers with me, just like the good old days. Me and Jane were best friends back then, we would play tennis and all sorts of things at the country club together. When she would come over to my house she would dance for me, she was a good dancer. The strange thing was that she never invited me to her house, not once. I knew she had a hard time at home since she had a mean step dad, she would sometimes come to me crying.

I remember one time she was crying and I kissed her all over her face to get the tears off, never on the lips though, just on the face. Old Jane and me were inseparable but soon we had to go to school and the friendship ended there. I got to 26th and I saw this place called Maurice's Cathouse, It was a little obvious that that was the place so I went on in. I went to a table and old Maurice came up to me.

"Hello! I have a girl ready for you if you're ready," Maurice said.

"Yeah, I'm ready," I responded. Maurice led me upstairs to this room where a blonde girl was sitting on the bed.

"Ok Sunny, he's yours," Maurice said.

"You ready?" Sunny asked.

"Naw, I'm not sure, maybe we should talk first," I suggested.

"Why?" Asked Sunny in an annoyed tone.

"I don't know. So Sunny, do you like being a prostitute?"

"All I know is that it pays well."

"Oh ok, interesting. What's your favorite book?" I asked.

"Why do you care? Look, lets just go and then I get paid and you had your fun," Sunny said.

"Ow, that hurt!" I said putting my hand to my heart. "Look Sunny, I'll pay you your five bucks and I'll get out of here."

"Actually, it's ten bucks," Sunny argued.

"No, Maurice said five and that's all I'm going to give you."

"Ten bucks, now." She held her hand out. I took out my wallet and gave her five dollars.

"Here you go," I said. Sunny stormed out of the room and I got out too. I went back through the lobby and Maurice stood in front of the door.

"Look champ, give the lady another five dollars," Maurice said and Sunny came out to stand beside him.

"No, you said five goddam dollars and that's all I'm going to give her," I said as I reached for the door.

"Ok champ, if you don't give her another five dollars, I'm gonna have to fight you." Maurice held his fists out in front of him like a boxer. I could not fight this guy, you see I kind of broke my hand when my brother Allie died. God, he was a smart and happy kid. He had red hair and he was so goddam smart. When Allie died I just broke down, I broke every goddam window in the garage when he died and I broke my hand doing that so I can't really make a real fist. Another secret is that I'm a bit yellow, I could fight with words but not with fists, I just can't look at the guy I'm fighting's face. It's a little embarrassing too.

"Ok Maurice, you win," I said as I handed Sunny another five dollars. Now I'm down to twenty dollars. I used to have forty but I spent it on drinks and Sunny. I just headed out the door to go meet Jane, god I was so depressed. "Allie," I whispered. "Help me."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I walked over to Central Park to where Jane was waiting at the duck pond. The pond was frozen over and I got to thinking about the ducks again, where do they go in the winter? I walked over to Jane and I placed my hand on her shoulder. She screamed and had this great look on her face!

"Holden! You scared me! I hate you!" Jane screamed at me. I just laughed at her and she scowled at me.

"Did you get the record Jane?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said as she handed it to me.

"How much was it?"

"Five dollars, it's a rare record." I took out five dollars and handed it to her.

"Thanks for doing that, it'll knock Phoebe out," I said.

"No problem, how was lunch?" Jane asked me.

"It was good, it was nice to see good, old James Castle," I lied. James Castle was actually dead. When I was at the Whooton school he was one of the guys who got picked on a whole bunch. I lent him my sweater, I almost didn't but I did. Man, was he skinny! He had pencils for arms and twigs for legs! He was so goddam skinny and gawky. James Castle had on my sweater and these morons chased him into the bathroom. He had no way of escaping so he jumped out the window from the third floor. The sad thing was that no one picked him up right away, he was all bloody and gorey and stuff.

I felt sorry for the poor guy so I never looked at him once, I know if I had done something like that, I wouldn't want anyone looking at me. My English teacher Mr. Antolini finally picked him up though. I never got that sweater back but I don't care, James Castle can keep it.

"That's good," Jane said and I snapped out of my daze.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked Jane.

"Doesn't matter to me, what about you?" I realized at that moment how much I missed Phoebe.

"Well, we'll find something to do until ten," I replied.

"What do you want to do at ten?"

"I want to see Phoebe."

At ten, me and Jane snuck into the apartment building where my family lives. We took the stairs and we were careful not to step on the creaky floorboards. This apartment building was so goddam old! I opened the door and I led Jane to DB's room. Phoebe liked to sleep in DB's room because it had a big bed and a big desk where she could write her Hazle Weatherfield stories. They were clever stories about a girl detective, Phoebe was so goddam smart!

I turned on the light and I closed the door after Jane got in. Phoebe was up almost immediately, she was a very light sleeper.

"Holden! Holden, I'm so happy to see you!" Phoebe exclaimed loudly.

"Shh! Pipe down Phoebe! Mom and Dad might hear!" I said.

"Mom and Dad are out. Why is Jane here?" Phoebe asked.

"She's out for school," I said.

"Hello, Phoebe," Jane said. "How are you?"

"I'm good you?" Phoebe said.

"I'm great!" Jane replied.

"Now Holden, why are you out early?" Phoebe asked with a suspicious tone.

"The school is full of morons and phonies! You'd never believe the place, this is the worst school yet!" I complained.

"You got expelled again didn't you? Oh Holden! Dad's gonna kill you!" Phoebe bewailed.

"Yeah I did Phoebe, I'm sorry. Dad won't kill me though, I have a plan," I told her. She punched me really hard on my arm. "Ow!"

"You deserve it! I can't believe you Holden! Dad's gonna kill you!" Phoebe continued.

"Guys!" Jane yelled. "Stop fighting!" Phoebe stopped punching me and we stopped arguing. "Holden got you a present Phoebe, do you want to see it?"

"Sure," Phoebe said. I got the record out of my bag and showed it to her.

"It's called 'Little Shirley Beans', I think you'll love it!" I said, excited.

"Great! Thanks Holden!" Phoebe said. I mouthed thank you to Jane before I spoke again.

"So how's old Hazle Weatherfield?" I asked.

"Oh, I haven't worked on any stories lately, I need to think up some ideas," Phoebe answered.

"Holden, how about we take your sister out or something tomorrow?" Jane suggested. "It might be fun."

"Yeah Holden! Yeah!" Phoebe shouted.

"Jesus Phoebe! Do you want to wake up the whole goddam building?" I told her.

"Language Holden, so can I?" Phoebe asked politely.

"Sure, I'll pick you up after school," I said. "Me and Jane have to go now."

"Ok, bye!" Phoebe said as she laid down. Me and Jane laughed at that and we got out of the building. I stocked up on cigarettes before I went out. Old Phoebe, she just knocked me out!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

After we got out of the apartment building me and Jane stopped for a drink but after one we decided to go back to that goddam honeymoon suite. Jane was out like a light the minute we got there but I wasn't tired. I decided to go for a walk in the park until I felt tired. The park was vacant at night, Central Park is the only part of New York that sleeps. Phoebe thinks it's creepy out here at night but I don't thinks so, it's a little peaceful, I can just walk around and think.

I was just thinking about how good it was to see Jane, it certainly beats coming out to New York alone. My mind stayed on Jane for a little while but after some time it wandered to Allie's baseball mitt. I still have it, I carry it with me wherever I go, I mean I don't carry it everywhere but it's always in my bag in case I feel depressed. It's a catcher's mitt, Allie was the best catcher in all of New York, he really was. Also, in case he got bored, he would write poems in green ink on his mitt for him to read. God, I miss Allie. He was such a nice kid, he was so goddam smart and funny. Why did he have to leave me?

"Why did you have to leave me Allie?" I asked, my voice cracking. God, I felt so depressed so I sat down on a bench near the duck pond.

"I didn't," I heard a small voice say. "I'm always with you Holden." I turned around to see Allie sitting beside me, red hair and all.

"Allie?" I asked, tears forming in my eyes. "Is it you?"

"Yes Holden, why are you sad?" Allie asked me.

"Well Allie, because I'm a failure, yeah, that's what I am, I'm a goddam failure."

"You don't have to be Holden." I looked at Allie, he's exactly how I pictured him; the red hair, pale skin, and freckles.

"Why can't I be like you Allie?" I said through my tears. "Why?"

"You can't be like me Holden, you can't," Allie told me. I didn't say anything after that. "Holden, what do you want to be when you grow up? I never got to grow up, tell me please," Allie begged.

"Well Allie, I know it sounds strange but I want to be the catcher in the rye. I picture all of these kids playing and being happy, completely oblivious to the cliff that everyone falls off of. I want to catch those kids, I'll be the only big person there and that's what I want to be when I grow up Allie, the catcher in the rye." Allie smiled at me and I looked at the pond for a second. When I turned around, Allie wasn't there anymore. "Allie," I sobbed. "Allie." I cried there on that bench for who knows how long before I went back to that goddam honeymoon suite.

I looked at Jane and for a little bit I saw her from five years ago, back when we were eleven. After a while I decided to go to sleep and let me tell you, I haven't slept so good and so heavily for years.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Holden wake up, I have breakfast," Jane said.

"Five more minutes," I said and I turned over to my side.

"Holden! Rise and shine!"

"Ok Jane, what's for breakfast?"

"I got us some sausage, eggs, and pancakes from this little breakfast place."

"You're my hero Jane cause' I'm goddam starving." The sausage smelled so good. I hurried up and got dressed so I could eat my breakfast and let me tell you, it was good, even if I was eating on a phony heart- shaped table. "You know Jane, maybe we could go somewhere like Nevada or Colorado and buy our own house. Get away from here."

"Have you gone mad Holden?" Jane asked, sounding a little worried about me.

"No, actually, I'm perfectly fine. We can move and I'll work and you can do what you want to do," I said.

"Well Holden, sorry to disappoint you but I have a life." I kind of deflated after that.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Holden, I can't just get up and run off with you."

"Ok, Jane, that's fine." I just sat down and stewed for a bit after that but Jane insisted that I get up and go to this picnic in Central Park with her. She said that she had seen it advertised in the record store. I agreed to go with her, Phoebe got out of school at four, so we had time to kill.

When we got to the picnic the place was crawling with goddam phonies talking to each other about the weather and how fun it is to be having a picnic on such a nice day with all your friends. It was sickening, I felt like vomiting after seeing this sorry sight. We just hung around eating free food, I could tell even Jane was disappointed by all of this crud. Jane's something special I'll tell you, she can tell if something's bad or phony or just a goddam sorry sight.

"Jane," I said, walking over to her. "Maybe someday, would you mind playing checkers with me? I'll be just like the good old days." Jane smiled at that, I just love it when she smiles, she has a sort of cricket grin, it's nice.

"Sure Holden, I would like that, to go back to the good old days," she said. Then she started to cry.

"What's the matter Jane?" I said, concerned.

"I wish I could go back to when we were kids, everything was so much easier," Jane said.

"Are you sure? I remember your stepdad-" I was interrupted.

"He's worse now, I hate him! And I hate my mom for letting him do those things!" I didn't know what to say so I started to kiss her face where the tears were. After a while Jane started to smile her cricket smile.

"Thanks Holden," she said.

"You're welcome," I said. "Are you ready to get Phoebe?"

"Yeah," Jane said. "I'm ok now, lets go and get Phoebe." My eyes started to well up but I stopped myself from crying.

"Allie, help us," I whispered as I walked down the sidewalk. "Help us."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Jane and I arrived at Phoebe's school but we arrived early, I guess we just wanted to get away from that goddam picnic. The school looked exactly like it did when I was a kid. The red bricks, the gold letters, and white trim. I needed to take a leak so I told Jane that I would be right back. I went inside and I climbed the stairs to the boy's bathroom but right there in the stairwell in big, clear letters were the words Fuck You. I stopped right there and thought about those words. I could hear someone coming up behind me so I turned around to find Jane.

"Holden, what is it?" She asked.

"You know Jane, I'm getting sick of this. In every niche, every corner, and on every, single wall there will always be a Fuck You," I expressed.

"Yeah, it makes me sick too and right there for the kids to see." I started to rub at it to take off the marker and soon, it came off. I wish I could take off every single, goddam Fuck You on the planet but it won't happen. I can't get to every one and people are going to keep writing it. It depressed the hell out of me.

"Are you going to the bathroom too?" I asked Jane.

"Yeah," Jane answered.

"Lets go."

After me and Jane were done we still had 50 minutes to kill so we decided to go look at the Natural History Museum. Sure enough, right in the mummy exhibit, you could see those two words. After I saw them I just gave up and stormed right out of the damn place. Once we got back to the school the bell rang and I got Phoebe.

"Holden? What are you doing here?" Phoebe asked.

"Me and Jane are going to take you somewhere fun," I told her.

"Yeah," Jane said.

"Where?" Phoebe inquired.

"Coney Island," I responded. "I know you like the carousel there."

"Yes!" Phoebe exclaimed. She was so excited, she even got a cab for us. As I was getting into the cab I noticed the thunderheads looming over us and for some reason, I was so cold.

When we got to Coney Island Phoebe immediately went for the carousel. Me and Jane sat on the bench to watch her. While Phoebe was waiting for the next ride I saw a kid fall off when he was reaching for the ring. The kid was crying for his mom but the mom couldn't come, she was locked out. It's a good thing that she was locked out, you see, if kids reach for the coveted, brass ring and they miss, you have to let them fall, even if it hurts them.

"Poor kid," Jane said.

"Naw," I told her. "He'll be fine." Phoebe got on and picked this brown horse, she looked so goddam pretty on it, smiling and laughing like she doesn't have a care in the world. When she came around to the brass ring though, she reached and she fell off her horse. It looked like it hurt but you know what? She got right back up again. The second time she went around to the brass ring she got it.

I was so goddam proud of her, you see, even if you fall, you have to get back up on your horse and try again, you never know, maybe you'll get it. Phoebe got off and she came running over to me and Jane with her teddy bear in her hand.

"Good job Phoebe," I said to her. "I saw you fall and get right back up again."

"Yeah Phoebe, good job," Jane said.

"Thanks Jane! Holden, do you want to come with me this time?" Phoebe asked.

"No thanks Phoebe, I'll stay right here and watch you," I said.

"Ok, suit yourself!" Phoebe ran over to the waiting line and then it started to rain.

"Do you want to go to the waiting area?" Jane asked. It would be dry over there since it had a roof over it.

"Uh, no thanks Jane, I'll stay right here," I said.

"Ok, suit yourself," Jane said and she walked to the waiting area. I'll tell you, watching Phoebe on that brown horse made me so goddam happy. I swear, I almost felt like crying I was so happy.

"Thanks Allie," I said as I smiled and waved at Phoebe. "I'm happy now."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

So that's my story. What did you think of it? Pretty wild huh? After Phoebe, Jane, and I were finished at Coney Island I pretty much went straight here. I don't really want to be here, I don't think it will help me either. I don't think I'll be here much longer though, she'll come for me so you won't have to worry about me. You know what's sad about being in here though?

After a while you start to miss everyone, I miss Allie, Jane, Phoebe, Stradlater, and I even miss old Maurice. I'll be fine though, she's going to come get me.


End file.
